does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
