I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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