@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
