if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you mean i was at the winter classic?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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