Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
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He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
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I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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