you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
