Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
