why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
