so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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