I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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