Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
