i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
