the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
