if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
