areolas are like halos for boobs.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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