where am i from again
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
