Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
