I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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