Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
