I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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