BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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