Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
