I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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