he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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