don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She needs sedatives and a leash
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
