if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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