I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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