I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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