Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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