Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
