How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
