You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
