i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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