I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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