so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
