I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
