OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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