Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!