My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.