I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire