you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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