Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
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I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
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I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?