Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?