I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.