I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
where are my eyebrows?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
