Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
