i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
