Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i just had sex bonerless
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
