You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Please don't give away my fajitas
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
