Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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