If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize