apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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