I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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