community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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