i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
