yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
