Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
