the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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