watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize