Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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