I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
