I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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