i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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