He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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