Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
