drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
